Brüksel'den Notlar

Kusursuz işlemesi gereken bir planın parçası olarak Brüksel'e gitmeye karar vermiştim. 22-23 Haziran'da Le Mans'daki Circuit de la Sarthe pistinde gerçekleşecek olan 24 saat yarışları için Brüksel'e gidecek, orada kalacak, kiralayacağım araba ile yarışa gidip sonra geri dönecektim. Yıllar yılı televizyondan izleyip, büyük keyif aldığım dayanıklılık serisini, kanlı canlı görecektim.

Belçika vizesiyle başlayan ve sonuçsuz tamamlanan bu süreç çok eğlenceli ve güzeldi. Gerek planlamada, gerekse hemen seyahat öncesi aklıma gelmeyen bir sorun, Brüksel Zaventem Havaalanı'ndan çıkar çıkmaz yüzüme çarpması şaşırtıcı olmamalıydı, ama soğuk duş etkisi yaratması da bir gerçekti. Sorun şuydu ki Eylül'den beri İngiltere'de yaşayan ben İngilizce'yi o kadar kanıksamış, içselleştirmişim ki başka bir dilin varlığı imkansız gibiydi. Bir saniye olsun "Ben ne Fransızca biliyorum, ne de Felemenkçe. Ne yaparım oralarda" sorusu aklıma gelmemiş, Fakat binmem gereken otobüsü ararken, tabelalara baktığımda "zortladığımı" anlamıştım.

Zar zor bir otobüs bileti aldıktan sonra, binmem gereken otobüsü beklemeye koyuldum. Kısa süre içerisinde o da geldi ve diğer yolcularla birlikte yola koyulduk. Dil karmaşasını üzerimden atamamış olacağım ki salaklıklarıma kendi çapımda devam ediyordum. Otobüs NATO durağında duracağı vakit, "Allah Allah nato neymiş ki acaba? Durunca bakayım neresiymiş" diyerek koca NATO merkezini görmemle otobüsteki ahalinin şıngırdayan jetonları duyması aynı ana denk gelir.

Son durak olan ve kalacağım otele en yakın olan durak "Luxembourg"'da iniverdim. Duraktaki şehir haritasından ne tarafa doğru yürüyeceğimi kestirip, büyük caddeye doğru seyirttim. Ne zaman ki o caddenin sonuna geldim, işler karıştı. Bir Y harfinin alt ucundan sağdaki ucuna dönecek, ve otelime varacaktım. Her zaman görsel hafıza, kartografi, yön bulma gibi yetilerimle övünen ben duraklardaki haritanın da yanlış olması sebebiyle Y'nin sol kısmısına doğru yol aldım. Tabii ki bu durumu yaklaşık 8 kilometre ve 2 saat yürüdükten sonra farketmem işin trajik yanı. Öte yandan dolandığım sokaklar, caddeler, yollar, gördüğüm binalar, insanlar bende mükemmel bir Brüksel izlenimi bıraktı. Her ne kadar yorgunluktan ağlayacak hale gelsem de şehrin hakkını her nefesimde teslim ettim. Gittiğim yolun yol olmadığını anlayıp gerisin geriye döndüğümde daha planlı bir şekilde ilerlemeye de karar vermiştim. Rotamı çizip, içerdiği bütün sokakların, yolların, caddelerin ve durakların ismini telefonuma yazacak an ve an bunu tabelalarla kontrol edecektim. Beni esir almış skolastik düşünceden kurtulmam hemen etkisini göstermiş ve baya merkezi bir yere çıkmıştım. Ama önce dinlenmeliydim.

Şehrin ortasında güzel bir park. Altı da otopark.

Parktaki bankta yarım saat kadar oturdum. Geleni geçeni, oturanı, koşanı-zıplayanı izledim. İki adım ötesinin Mahmutpaşa'dan hallice olduğu bir yerin nasıl bu kadar sessiz olabileceğini düşünmek istedim, sonra zor geldi vazgeçtim.

Artık yola revan olmanın vakti gelmişti. Önümde yeni caddeler, haritasına bakılması gereken yeni otobüs durakları vardı. Henüz hiçbir şey bitmiş değildi.

Sağlı sollu dükkanlardan gayet piyasa ve cıvıldak bir yerde olduğumu anlamıştım. Haagen-Daszlar, Brussels Grilller, Godivalar her köşe başındaydı. Bu şeraitte dayanılası manzalar değildi.

Az gidip, uz gidip, dere tepe düz gidip sonunda "Botanique/Kruidtuin" tabelası görülebilir uzaklığa girince gayri ihtiyari sırıttım. Bu otele çok yaklaştığımın işaretiydi.

Evet bir kaç adım sonra otelime de varmıştım. Tek istediğim öküz ölüsü laptopu yatağa atmak ve yıkanıp-paklanmaktı.

Üstüme rahat birşeyler giydikten sonra hem kalbimin hem de midemin sesine kulak verdim. Beynim 8 oldu 9'a geliyor dese de birlik olduk dinlemedik ve yolun karşısındaki mekana gidiverdik.

Brussels Grill: Güzel yemekler, mutlu insanlar

Güzel bir karışık ızgara ve ömrü hayatımda ilk defa şahit olduğum limonu tuzu ilave edilmiş salata ile günü ve açlığımı kapatmanın mutluluğu ile caddeyi seyre daldım. Ve ilk gün yorucu da olsa sonlanmıştı.

Sabah (lafın gelişi-saatin sabahla bir ilgisi yok) her yerimin ağrısı ile uyandım. Günü civarı kolaçan ederek geçirdim. Hiçbir yere yürümeye ya da gitmeye niyetim yoktu.

Üçüncü gün heyecan doruktaydı, nasıl olmasındı. Havaalanına gidip arabayı teslim alacaktım. Otele dönüp son hazırlıklarımı tamamladıktan sonra Fransa'ya doğru hareket edecektim. Hiçbir şey yemeden hemen otobüse bindim ve havaalanına doğru yola çıktım. Hızlıca ve heyecanlı bir şekilde Hertz masasını buldum ve derdimi anlattım. Herşey tıkır tıkır işliyordu. Görevli en son Corsa mı 500 mü diye sorunca arabayı üstüme geçirecekmişçesine 500 diye bağırdım. Ama bu sevincim uzun sürmedi. Görevli deposito için kartımı isteyince peri masalı sona erdi. Limitim zortlamıştı ve adam işlem yapamıyordu. Birden nedense gitmemem gerektiğini düşündüm. 6.5 saat gidip, dinlenemeden 6.5 saat yol katetmem gerekiyordu. Hem de hiç bilmediğim bir yerde. Adam başka kartımın olup olmadığını sordu. Artık gerçekten bunu istediğimden emin değildim. Saniyeler içerisinde milyonlarca felaket senaryosu yazmıştım. Ve ani bir kararla yok kartım, vazgeçtim dedim. Le Mans macerası burada sona ermişti. Yarış için çıktığım yolculuk iki ızgara ve birkaç waffle için mi yani ye dönmüştü.

Kırk yıl düşünsen gitmeyi aklıma getirmeyeceğim Brüksel'de 4 gün geçirdim ve çok beğendim şehri. İnsanlar kibar, sıcak ve yardımsever. Arabalar da abartı derecede saygılı yayalara. Caddeler-sokaklar temiz, kavga gürültü sıfır. Fransızca - Felemenkçe olmasa on numara yermişsin Brüksel. Kalabilitem varmış.

Merci ya da dank!

Snow in Ankara - Refined

He was dressed, went down the stairs slowly in the morning of the loneliness and the silence. School bag on his back had more than books. It was sign of years and a truly burden on his shoulder. Downed darkness of the early time of the day seemed so suitable for this man.

He continued to walk, and he was in the bus-stop, saw the very long queue, stood at the end of it hopelessly and had a reckless lookup to barely shining sun. He thought about the late minibus while he was losing himself in a blurry horizon as realisation of the possible future in the clashing clouds. Time has passed, the line became crowded. He thinks he was very behind of the line as he was not able to reach vehicle on time whereas the end of the line was too far from the bus-stop that was not seen from the place child stood. Minibus arrived with growls later. It did not look like others-it was new, large, and clean and it had bright glasses. People started to get in it. When it was full, boy ran front of the line and shouted through the door "inside, inside". Driver immediately stopped and child jumped in. Boy was used to travel standee. He put his bag on floor and got some change from his pocket. He gave all coins to driver. They went long and long. There were people to get in and get out of. Interior became crowded during the way. Time had come at last. The child yelled to driver: "in an available place, please". Man looked at him from the rear view mirror, quickly manoeuvred vehicle to right side of the road, and opened the door. Minibus quickly disappeared. Child crossed the street and stopped in front of the school. He looked at it like a deep sigh was. Meanwhile pouring rain stopped and turned into snow immediately. He quickly entered the building.

He imagined a story that can tell his all feelings freely and honestly. It is certain that he cannot able to share his own world to another people. It is a way to introduce flying images in his mind by writing. Thus anybody can able to read and feel pity about him. His only and biggest desire was that; asking for sympathy. His thoughts-in the form of a story of life in Ankara, could tell the most beautiful expression. It comes to mind for every boarding minibus. When he sees it, while he is passing near, being in Istanbul, touching gliding snow flakes at the moment, feeling the summer heat on his head... All of these are the most beautiful images which tell about the city. It is reflection on faces of people of vain Ankara. Loved it was, and a lot of about this city. To be frank; Istanbul is legendary and awesome; however Ankara is a huge part of him. He is totally dependent on Ankara desperately.

06810 - M6 6DB

"Bak şöyle hayal et; hava kapalı, son dersinden de çıkmışsın. Sanki o yüzden biraz rahatlık ta var. Ama bi yandan da küçük derin bi sıkıntı da var. Neyse işte yürümeye devam ediyosun, servise binicen. Sonra insan kalabalığını görüyorsun, hepsi Tunus servisini bekliyor. Cuma ya bugün hani haftanın sonunu getirdik rahatlığıyla kendilerini sokaklara, kafelere, barlara atacaklar. Nasıl olsa cumartesi, bilemedin pazar günü çalışırım tesellisiyle. Hava da iyice kapadı mı ne? Herhal bir iki yağar zaten sonra da karanlık olur iyice kederlenirsin. Tipik Ankara sonbaharı işte napcan.

Ahanda tam böyleydi işte adamın havaalanından kırk beş dakika-bir saat sonra çıktıktan sonraki hava. Kapalı, isteksiz, hiç yüz göz olmuyor. Oysa daha öğlen on iki bile değil. Naparsın işte tipik İngiliz havası dedikleri bu olsa gerek.

Çok uzun bir zaman dilimi içerisinde-ki bu süreye İngiltere'ye ayak bastığı günler de dahil, tam olarak nerede olduğunun farkında değildi. Kendi kendine içten gelen bir fısıltı ona Finlandiya, Finlandiya, Oulu, Jyvaskyla diye sesleniyordu. Mamafih uçan martılar, bağıran kargalar, koşuşturan sincaplar, geç dönem on dokuzuncu yüzyıl tarihli pablar, köprüler, fabrikalar, hanlar hamamlar onu ucundan da olsa gerçeklerle yüzleştiriyordu.

Ha bi de şu var. Bir yere gidince beklentilerin çok önemlidir. Neredeyse baştan aşağı değişir orası, bambaşka bir hal alır yav. Bu beyin ne kadar da güçlü bişey işte. Hakimiyet tamamen onda. Neyse, beklenti önemlidir, şimdi bi kaç şey okursun, ya da görürsün. Bunlar senin tüm fikrini etkiler hatta menfi ise bilakis zehirler zihinleri. Tam bu noktada dengedeki terazi gibi düşün. Bi tarafta Bent Deresi stayla muhit söylentileri, bi tarafta da esrarengiz insan, Miss Bays'in umut veren, kalpleri ısıtan videosu. Ama şu gerçek ki terazinin iki tarafı da gerçeklerin ürünüydü, emin ol.

İnsan elindekilerin kıymetini kaybedince anlar derler ya, işte çok doğru o. Yok yok o duygusal, ağdalı anlamlar yükleme gayreti değil bu benimkisi. Daha basit bir aidiyet. Tamam tamam internetten bahsediyorum. Allah seni inandırsın adamcağız üç gün boyunca-hatta dördüncü günün akşamında düzeldiğini söyler hep, internete erişmek için debelendi durdu. Bi o tarafa koştu bi bu tarafa. Helak olacaktı valla. Hadi bi de bildiği bi yer olsa yine iyi. Ne dil bilir, ne alışlanlık, ne de yer-yurt. Ama helal olsun azimle delen ecdad misali başarıyla kalktı bu sorunun altından. Ama tabii günler geceler ne mutsuzluk, ne keder, nasıl bir hayata küsmüşlük aboov. Bir dokun bin ah işit. Aha işte tam da bu noktada Pays Hanım sahneye çıkmış. Gerçekten çok ilginç bi durum tesadüfi gibi biraz da. Sen kalk üç bin küsür kilometre öteden yaban ellerin arasına gel, tabii kimseyi tanımaman normal ama o koca okulda, o mahşeri kalabalıkta tanıdık bir yüze rastla. Artık buna kader mi dersin, tesadüf mü dersin, yoksa sosyal medyanın, efendime söyliyim web 2.0'ın gücü mü dersin ben bilmem. Ama aynen böyle işte. O kadar adamın arasından görmüş kızcağızı. Şimdi o da öyle bi anlatıyo ki biraz tabii tedbirli olmakta fayda var. Diyor ki vay efendim ben bir gördüm bunu böyle bir ışık, bir huzur dalgası, bir enerji patlaması, mutluluk radyasyonu. Yok artık daha neler? Bi de şey; bu da ona öyle bi bakmış ki sanki eski bir dostu uzun zamandan sonra tekrar görmüş gibi. Ama kontrolsüzlük yok, oturmuş bir tavırla, nazik bir gülümseme sanki "o geldi herşey yoluna girecek"der gibiymiş. Yuhayo, daha neler değil mi? Abartmanın da bir sınırı var. Da işte ama zor zamanlardı onun için Allah bilir nasıl canlandırdı kafasında. Belki de tamamen uyduruyo, yani sanki yapmadığı bişey değil biliyosun.

Neyse birinci ayın sonu muymuş son haftası mıymış en sonunda bu yavaş yavaş idrak etmeye başlamış İngiltere'de olduğunu. Ulan ayı bir ay olmuş oraya geleli bu kadar mı zaman aldı anlaman. Deli mi ne aklı bir karış havada. Ama ben biliyorum kesin bir kız vardır bunun umutsuzca sevdiği. Hani onun o meşhur "gerçek aşk" saplantısı. Manyak tutturmuş tek taraflı aşk, asıl olması gerekenmiş. İnsan aşık olmak için, karşısındakinin de kendisine aşık olmasına gerek duymazmışmış. E bu senin yaptığın kendi canını yakmak, üzülmeye göz yummak değil de ne? Mutlu olamadıktan sonra napayım ben gerçeği, hakikiyi. Neyse işte bu modda ise işte o aralar ondandır yani.

Bakalım uzun zamandır aramıyor, ne sesi çıkıyor ne soluğu. Bayağı oldu konuşmayalı, kendince havadis biriktiriyor kesin o bahsetmediği kızın peşindedir. Neyse lan çok uykum geldi. Yatak ta yarın konuşalım biraz da yeter."

"By Wisdom and Effort"

Concilio et labore...

He continuously speeded up his feet by rain. Actually it was not a rain. They said that it was drizzle. Strong wind also hit his face wet by the raindrops. Then hardly found a way to stop. There were signs showing one particular direction. Unwillingly-but slightly willingly this was mainly just because of desperation, headed towards to the automatic door. His misery was clearly shown on the door as a reflection. One step ahead there was a huge crowd was waiting for something but it was not him obviously.

He slowly got down to the stairs and mingled with the crowd quietly. Frequently moving his head to deceive himself to looking at for familiar face. It was totally pointless.

M. was talking to people in a small room. To be frank, you could feel her high energy and friendliness from miles away. She looked at him and smiled just like seeing a friend after long time ago. Also you could interpret it as a relief of knowing he is here and everything will be all right.

From 3038 kilometres away you just recognise a person from a YouTube video. Thoughts come to mind and says that will be a good day, and month and even a year maybe.

People were dancing in front of a Wii, The Sugarhill Gang's Apache was playing.

Let's say "how it was started" for future.

jump on it!

Yalandan da Olsa - Rüyalar

"Sana bi hikaye anlatayım mı?"

"Anlat?!"

...

Toplantıdayım. Serhat Abi hararetli şekilde bişeyler anlatıyor. Aralarda da duraklayıp, Nesrin'e ve sana not almanızı söylüyor. Korcan ile Seren konunun dışında geyik muhabbeti döndürüyorlar. Yağız odanın köşesinden Serhat Abi'yi onaylıyor Alimoğlu'yla dalga geçmekten fırsat bulduğu zamanlar. Ben ise yavaş yavaş bakıyorum etrafa. Sağdan sola doğru gezdiriyorum kafamı. O an sesler kesiliyor sadece insanlar kalıyor geriye kendi telaşlarında olan. Sonra gözüm birine takılıyor. Hoşlanmak değil bu, hayır. Kesinlikle böyle bir şey değil. Trafikte kaza seyreder gibi, çamaşır makinasının önüne çömelmiş küçük bir çocuk gibi bakıyorum ona. Hayran hayran değil. Salak salak "içim bir hoş olarak" da değil. İnceliyorum sanki. "Niye hala bakıyorum ki?"'ye cevap arıyorum. Ama bulamıyorum. Oracıkta geçen bir kaç dakika bu mühim evrensel problemimi çözmek için uğraş verirken bana saatler gibi geliyor. Yelkovan gelecekten korkar hale geliyor, bir adım daha atmaktan imtina ediyor.

***

Akşam Yemeği, Ankara

Tam saatinde geliyorum mekana, ne bir eksik ne bir fazla. Sonra bir anda vazgeçiyorum içeri girmekten. İçimi bilindik, her zaman yanımda olan o his kaplıyor. "Lan ya kimse gelmediyse daha. Salla ya biraz dolan etrafta o zamana kadar elbet birileri de damlar." İçeri girmeden hemen görüyorum dolu masayı. Gözlerim onu arıyor. Aciliyeti devralan husus, beni masadakilerle kuru ve içten olmayan selamlaşmaya mecbur bırakıyor. Zaten pek candan davranılası kişiler değil. Korcan olsaydı halbuki ya da en azından Yağız daha iyi olurdu. Tesadüfi doğru bir hamle yapıyorum ve masanın diğer tarafına geçip oturuyorum. Gereksiz naber-nasılsın muhabbetinden sonra havanın kararmaya başladığını farkediyorum. Bi pizzacıda ben ve salak üç kızla birlikte kendimi çok derbeder ve kadersiz hissediyorum. Ama ansızın bende bir hissizleşme hasıl oluyor. Tüm duyularımı kaybediyorum. Hiçbir şey göremez oluyorum. Mamafih etraf karanlık değil. Üstüne üstlük muazzam bir aydınlık peydah olmuş dükkanda. Bir yandan da ışığın zayıfladığı beynimde zuhur ediyor. Tüm bu kudretli nurun müsebbibi oymuş meğerse. O kalpleri ısıtan gülümsemesi, insana dünyaları bahşeden gözleri ile bize bakarken içten bir "merhaba" dökülüyor dudaklarından. Sonrasında ise tam karşıma oturuveriyor. Bütün geceye spoiler verircesine bir hareketle çekiyor sandalyeyi ve kuruluyor yerine...

Futbol Menejerlik 2011

RESME TIKLAYARAK İNDİREBİLİRSİN!!!

Yanlış mı yaptım?

Konferans, sunum gibi birşey var. Salon kalabalık değil, boşluklar var koltuklarda. Adam orada geveliyor ve dinleyen de yok. Ben de dalmışım uzaklara. Adama bakıyorum ama görmüyorum. O an o kadar sessiz ki ortam. Sonra bir el dokunuyor omzuma. Yüzünde anlamlı bir gülümseme. "Çok yanlış yaptım diyorsun di mi?" diyor bana. O zaman anlamını yüklüyorum gülümsemenin. Her şey yerli yerine oturuyor. Yavaştan gözlerim doluyor. Ona göre pişmanlığın işareti gözyaşları benim içinse gururun. Gördüklerime rağmen-ki o karar hepsine engel olabilirdi, hiç keşke yapmasaydım demedim. Hatta uyaran da oldu. Bence o uyarı ters etki etti. Benim kararımın en büyük sebebiydi.

What Makes Legends Legend

He is not aware of his life long desperate. He settles for the little happiness for years. This is little happiness for him. He has just faced with it. A new SNES game lies in front of him. It was not a surprise and he rapidly opens its box and launched the game. It is absolute excitement and bliss; at least he thinks like that.

It was a NBA Live 97. One of the games developed by Electronic Arts. I did not know about gameplay, atmosphere or sound in that day. However this game entertain us very much. I remember TV channel just broadcast the play-off finals (there is all season today) and we try to follow this organisation. We watch the match at silly time, later we resuscitate it with the game. At that time Chicago Bulls and Utah Jazz were in the finals. My friend supported Jazz and I chose Bulls. Jordan’s poster was on the precious part of my wall. Every action and excitement flows in our veins like a blood. It just becomes a life style for us. We try to do the moves that we see in the game in actual life. Years passed rapidly and unbeknown and this left as a nice memory.

Today we have various opportunities and selections for playing game. Different consoles, computers and other systems just stand for our service. They have newest and unbelievable technologies and all these try to make feel the reality. We are in a condition that we pay money to get closer to artificial reality. When it come closer to reality, it goes away from entertainment.

When we played the game we also watched the 97 NBA Finals. Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, Karl Malone, John Stockton, Shaquille O’Neal and Anfernee Hardaway had a significant and deep effect on the mind. They are remarkable players in the league. We used to watch them with the USA Dream Team and NBA All Star Game. We idolised these men, we look at the league and no one left from these sparkling years. Younger generation take place in important roles and we try to adapt ourselves to this change. Our legends are far away physically, yet they are very close to heart.

The game is very entertaining and we had good times with it. I remember it as legend. I am not interested in basketball games in computer anymore. The Dream Team was successful. Their moves, styles and appearances are different and these make a separation by the others. New players play nice game; show incredible effort and present reasonable performance. However, I am not looking at NBA on TV nowadays. I can say that time is very dangerous and tricky concept in the universe. Nobody can runaway from it and distinct impact can be seen on everything. Names left after years as legend but they do not exist anymore as person. Our feeling of joy stands as a nice memory but it went away by time. Well, it seems it is impossible to avoid from time. By the way, what makes legends legend?

Judges Forever

Everybody talks about them. Nobody has an idea who they are. Unknown people's fame is spreading around the city. Well it is not completely “notoriety”, it is just a rumour. Reality stands behind the rumour. Actually rumour is very familiar for people are from where they come from. Place was structured on rumours by outlanders.

They are a football team and called the Judges. There was no living creature that sees them while they are judging. They support the Judges but they have no idea what is going on there. Every player is part of the village and citizens share lots of things with these guys. However, as whole team, they are stranger.

I am proud of Judges many times before I met them. One day I was looking for the Giants'¹ Super Bowl² match. Then I realised I have a team and I do not have to look for transatlantic targets. Afterwards, I got a mail that invites me to the meeting of Judges Student Group. It was a sign for me. At the day meeting was held I felt little nervous. Being in a place full of stranger is tough for me. Plus, there was nonsense prejudice about the guys. The prejudice is that I try to break-down for years around the campus. After the meeting, interestingly I feel comfortable and happy. Suddenly a feeling that pokes me for wanting me to do something for the group and team. Between first and second meeting I went to see them on process. It was the last match of group qualifying. The opponent was other notorious team of Ankara, “the Red Deers”³. Windy and cloudy weekend presented us a league game in Beytepe. Two quarters, one touchdown⁴, one injury and wind did us part. I left the Judges behind on a Valentine's Day.

Football is always entertaining for me. Watching Argentina - Brazil, Boca - River and any Beşiktaş match are “priceless”. However, football love is clearly decreased year by year. Another football helped me to get over the “soccer” frustration. We all see legendary and unbelievable last quarter performance in Hollywood films. Genius offence tactics and great pass game hold team to touchdown in last minute meanwhile the gap is six. We also know these just happen in NFL⁵. However it does not mean beyond the NFL and films, it is a boring Sunday activity. I love this sport, Judges and playing it- as a computer game for sure.

Many years ago, venerable member of the team said: “one time Judges, always Judges”. You feel the passion of football, the Judges, pride of representing the school and fun of challenge. And yes he was right, one time Judges, always Judges.

¹ New York Giants – Football team in New York. It plays in National Football League.

² Super Bowl – The championship game in National Football League.

³ Hacettepe Red Deers – Hacettepe University Football team.

⁴ Touchdown – When a player passes the end line of opponent with ball, he scores a touchdown. The team scores it, gets six points and an extra point chance. Successful kick gives one more point. Team also tries to play a game called conversion. It gives two more points.

⁵ NFL – abbr. National Football League. Biggest professional football league in the world.

Gitar Hiro

It is a long story. Beyond the story it is also a passion, playing guitar. To be frank, I did not devote my life to learn how to play guitar. However I always want to succeed it. I begged my mother to buy an electric guitar for my birthday. She promised to buy it when I will be fourteen or fifteen. I was fourteen, and naturally fifteen but I had not any. Sometimes playing guitar loses the importance, I find time to focus on my aim of living-drawing. I eventually found myself in listening to Metallica. “Unknown power” pulls me to itself.

When I prepare to University, as every lucky Turkish youth, I took courses in a place called “dershane”. There was a guy who is my first friend there. He was a member of a band in their high school. He plays electric guitar and tells me about the songs that he played with the band. These were all Metallica song by the way. At once he brougth tick, old book. This book was written in full of Metallica song lyrcis. When class was dissmissed, he grizzles the melody, I tried to synchronise the lyrics.

After days and weeks, he brought his guitar and amplifier. He played some songs from different albums of Metallica. I looked at him with big admiration. He has the potential. He has star “electricity”.

By being university student, you tend to be realistic and rational person. At least I gave up some idea, sacrifice dreams for future. Now I call these as realism. As a part of the “operation realism”, guitar was put on dusty shelf again. Although it stood on a shelf, occasionally it tried to jump down. The reflection of it on me appeared like that; I conclude my CAT* essay with Nothing Else Matters’ chorus. Instructor marked highly but noted that he could not understand what does it advocates.

I met with a game called Frets on Fire by my video game addiction. It is a game based on an ability to follow the instructions on screen and complete the task successfully. Instructions are parts of the song and every successful move sounds correct note of the song. Despite the fact that it seems easy by reading, on implementation you possibly fail. This game was the last drop for guitar love and inevitably it dropped to my head.

Finally I had chance to buy an electric guitar. I was impatient to play a song from Metallica. I can play any song since it is the case. If you have guitar you can play everything. As you know, it did not happen like that. Weird sounds were heard, guitar felt regretful of being a guitar in the hands of a beginner. I liked the tones gradually; it resembles something you are familiar with. The most important thing is I noticed that I did not lose anything of my passion over the years.

Nothing else matters (chorus)

So close no matter how far

Could not be much more from the heart

Forever trusting who we are

And nothing else matters

CAT

Cumulative Achievement Test in Bilkent University School of English Language

Heartbreak

from the diary of Blood Money

“It is nearly winter yet weather does not tend to show its face as an ordinary autumn. When you look around nobody seems to feel cold. It looks like they feel cold, if someone shouts that temperature is below zero. This dry, sharp and freezing weather makes the leaves fall, where children then play. This is a typical season scene in Ankara, but a long time has passed, the city has changed. The only thing that remains in my memory is autumn in Ankara. I head out to the street. Buses roll by on the road as people wait for one to board in long desperate queues. The sun is almost down, partly seen between clouds. It does not make a difference whether it’s noon or evening: the weather is still cold. I cannot feel my nose, ears or fingers. That is not important. There is an ache in my chest that suppresses the bite of cold.

I finally got on the bus at nearly 9 p.m. I sat all the way in the back. There seemed little difference between being inside or outside the bus: both felt cold as ice cubes. I usually like to travel via buses; they are usually very comfortable. This helps me to forget my objective in going there. Personally I can travel long hours on these kind buses. Maybe it is a big delusion. Let me explain my understanding about trips. You know how when a trip takes a short time, you do not want to get out of the vehicle. Whatever it takes, it should be continued. However, it is not the case when the trip is longer. When you know your trip takes many hours, you can get bored and even fantasize about jumping out of the bus. Thus, it is the trip delusion. At that time, I hear a sound, a weak sound. Yes it is, the song called Violet Hill. Someone is listening to Coldplay, and I hear the notes, instruments and voice. In that moment I think it is a wonderful song. It perfectly suits the city in this season. When the rain starts, the drops pattering on the window, the song fades out. The road is nearly half traversed, but interestingly enough, I still get bored of this trip. There are some problems with this situation. I like to travel by bus, but I get bored. Secondly, I normally like cloudy, cold weather, but these clouds and rain make me utterly depressive. All of it is enough to make me wonder why do I even take this trip and where do I even want to go? Moreover, recognition makes me feel the pain more strongly. And I cannot breathe...

I understand that I have arrived at my destination when I open my eyes and look around me. What I remember last is the nuisance of pain. In the middle of October it snows. Flakes fly about in the air, and it seems they do not intend to land anywhere. The grass becomes white, and a yellowish sky covers the place. It is so silent you can easily hear your own breathing. Now I can see I walk unconsciously and am not aware of what I am doing. I stop in front of the statue behind the ornamental pool. I hold up my head to see who he is. I did not prevail. Actually, why did I come here?”

Sorrow in Pripyat

In 26th April 1986, there was a sudden explosion. It was just a fire. All fire fighting crews ran to the venue. They all knew was an explosion and spreading fire. Nobody thinks that it is a radioactive catastrophe. People, who knew it was a failure, have just died by the incident. The efforts took all night long. By the sunshine appears, peril of the incident was clearly seen. It was terrifying scene.

I want to tell you why these happened. After the Second World War, the USSR and the USA are the part of diplomatic challenge called “cold war”. In this period, which concluded with dissolve of the USSR, both sides worked on nuclear projects. The easiest and cheapest way to obtain main ingredient of nuclear weapon was nuclear reactors. The story begins with one of the reactors located in Pripyat, Chernobyl (Ukraine). The system is implemented in these facilities relies on human factor instead of computerised control units. This causes a big responsibility on the shoulders of officials.

Authorities make a decision about conducting a safety test in the reactor. They wonder the durability and reaction of the plant in extraordinary conditions. The condition that they want to face with is sudden energy loss. It makes a little trick for this plant. Water is used there for both cooling and transforming thermal energy to electrical energy. A possible lack of electricity both affects radioactive progress and cooling. For this critical point they start to test. They cut electricity mainstream and waited for the results. However auxiliary power unit is activated automatically. They continued to the test and increase the water and core cools down quickly and produced energy decreases. This sudden decrease alerts official in other part of the controlling unit. He decreases the number of control rods (adjust core temperature) to six. The minimum value for the rods is twenty-six. This causes uncontrolled and tragic increase in the temperature of the core and it triggers to increasing pressure for water. Cooling unit blasts and structure is heavily damaged. The explosion also affects ceiling of the building and it makes easier to spread fallout. In the middle of night’s darkness, people in Pripyat have no idea about what is going on.

Thousands of people have fight with catastrophe by having no idea about the radioactivity and they lost their lives in a short time. Citizens of Pripyat are forced to leave their houses. City is evacuated and liquidated in hours. No living sign left in the city. Children used to play in parks, parents were happy in the streets of the city. There were more things than leaked radioactives from the Chernobyl. Invisible enemy threatened the lives and ruined completely.

Neighbour countries, Western Europe, Asia, America and Turkey experienced the results of the incident. Many people died, many people struggle with different, cruel types of cancer. Unofficially the USSR dissolved, and the pain remains forever in human history. Empty streets and apartments are still in 26th of April 1986. Time is paused, life is abandoned and recovery waits for more seven hundred years. All pictures are greyish like hopes and clouds on Pripyat.

Possibility of Being Loved by a Woman

There are possibly thousands and million that show the chance getting hit by a woman love. At least there are various examples shows us it is possible. Also if we can talk about a probability of something it tends to move away from zero point. Absolute impossibility of probability gives us a value points zero. Thus, we can comment on women’s tendency on being first in emotional relation is not impossible. However we can say that numeric value of their love is approximating from positive infinite to zero. Moreover, it may be like that. We can limit it to values between zero and one. Actually, it means a very little chance of hit on by a woman. It is kinda period that they usually get used to love the man. This directs us to another point which is Fog of War Paradox. As you can understand, woman behaviour in an emotional circumstance cannot be understood until you are brave enough to confess your love. All your drawbacks, anxiety and concerns about being frustrated and disappointed come true. There is no such a method to avoid these realities. You have to face with these if you fall in love and decided to tell her everything, at least something. Under the lights of things that I have mentioned above, you cannot be loved by a woman unless woman is your mother, aunt, grandparent or so on.

Schizophrenic Interviews

This week we have guest from Bilkent News. Bloodmoney is new columnist of the paper this year and he attracted the attention by his tales. We met him in guardhouse of the main campus and he answered the questions frankly.

Interviewer - How did you start acting?

Bloodmoney – My grandfather said me one thing. “History is written by the victor”. I do not forget this. It is a kind of maxim of life.

I – What do you think about last season of Lost? Do you have any predictions?

B – Oh, sorry! What is “Lost”?

I – You commented on the incidents were broken out last derby game. It was heavily criticised.

B – “If I say something, I know something” (Bitir, F. , 1999).

I – Radio-Television Supreme Board banned commercial that you showed up. Nowadays people talk about mature content may be in television. Should it be limited, banned completely or allowed totally for broadcasting?

B – “You cannot be a hero, if you think how does it end” said by an ancient determinist.

I – What is your favourite TV show?

B – Şebnem Kısaparmak shares the life.

I – Do you have Facebook or twitter account?

B – I do not use Facebook, it is waste of time. However, I am the person whose name is Slavoj Zizek in twitter.

I – What about your world view?

B – I am zealot Socialist Totalitarian.

I – Can we say Bloodmoney is religious?

B – Yes, I am a fan of Boca Juniors.

I – What kind of music genre represents you well?

B – Ankara oyun havaları. (Ankara regional folk music)

I – If you win the lottery what would you like to do?

B – I will take sea to Ankara.

I – What are 3 things that you take when you are castaway?

B – Marx, Engels, Lenin.

I – How is marriage going on?

B – I lost my wife 3 days ago.

I – Oh, sorry I did not know that.

I – Which book did you read last?

B – Konu Anlatımlı Kimya Soru Bankası. (Practice book for Chemistry with lecturing).

I - Which movie did you watch last?

B – Charlie bit my finger. That represents well the paradox of urban siblings and their cognitive dissonance.

I – We know that you are fierce fan of Bilkent Judges. How does it start?

B – When I was a little child, they come to the city we lived. My father took me to the stadium to watch their matches. One day, receiver gave me his jersey. Everything started one day later.

I – Thank you very much Blood. It was a great talk. We are grateful for reserving your time.

B – Okay, get out. I should have written my report. I will get an F.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

"This is for the record: History is written by the victor. History is filled with liars. If he lives, and we die, his truth becomes written - and ours is lost. Shepherd will be a hero. Because all you need to change the world is one good lie and a river of blood. He's about to complete the greatest trick a liar ever played on history. His truth will be the truth. But only if he lives, and we die."

Captain Price

Odour, simit and street

“An odour can triggers many things to brain” said professor. “You may remember a scene from your childhood or a specific moment in your life. However, as you know human cannot digitalise it yet”. “What do you mean by digitalise, professor?” said young man. “When you hear a pipe, you can record it, or when you see a beautiful view, you can shot. But you cannot do these for an odour that is appetitive”. After this answer, boy starts to think. A lot of memory realised in his mind. He remembered different odours and their remembrance. One of them is about new washed apartment. It keeps on corridors until floor dries up. It is definite and specific scent and he can define when he smells. And her scent... How can he forget it?

Boy bites a part from simit, while its odour is covering the room. It is weird that this kind of simple food's taste is good.

Class is dismissed. Girl got down the stairs and headed out to crowd. She moved through the seller and bought a simit. She bit it, chewed it, and swallowed. It was delicious, but everyday eating simit is unbearable. In a short moment, she thinks that she will never eat it again. Obviously she is not aware the saying “eat big bite, do not speak highly”. A sip is taken from orange juice.

I want to talk about things that peculiar to Ankara. One of them is weather which I point out in my last article. Moreover I will continue to tell about the weather. The second one is simit. At the very beginning of my life simit has a part. This dark, crispy, sesame thing is very powerful. It is filling,tasty and cheap. However, sadly and unfortunately you cannot find this out of Ankara. Thus you have possibly these kind of memories, if you live in Ankara. Having memories also means you walked a lot and saw many nice streets. Streets are the third one. If you cruise around the city, you may discover great places like Ayrancı, Esat, Kavaklıdere and Bahçelievler. Nice, green and silent streets are waiting for you. You can buy a simit and invite a good friend(it is optional). Walk long time. Do not worry about time. Smell the street, bite the simit. After long time you will remember these, not just some exam, project or rude man in copy line. At a moment, you feel that you love Ankara. You may remember a scene from your childhood or a specific moment in your life just by a scent. On the other hand we cannot keep it in our digital media devices.

“I just notice that there is a girl's shade on me. Maybe she is watching me. She comes to near. Now I can recognise her. Her scent, that is totally a sign, she is here. Then her face appeared behind the shade.

I said her I love you. Her response bemused me. She had not any time and she thanks to me.”

Coldplay - Violet Hill

http://fizy.com/s/152vbk

was a long and dark december
from the rooftops i remember
there was snow
white snow

clearly i remember
from the windows they were watching
while we froze down below

when the future's architectured
by a carnival of idiots on show
you'd better lie low

if you love me
won't you let me know?

was a long and dark december
when the banks became cathedrals
and the fog
became god

priests clutched onto bibles
and went out to fit their rifles
and the cross was held aloft

bury me in honor
when i'm dead and hit the ground
a love back home unfolds

if you love me
won't you let me know?

i don't want to be a soldier
with the captain of some sinking ship
with snow, far below

so if you love me
why'd you let me go?

i took my love down to violet hill
there we sat in snow
all that time she was silent still

so if you love me
won't you let me know?

if you love me,
won't you let me know?

Beynelmilel Futbol Ekran Görüntüleri - 2

Beynelmilel Futbol 2009 Ekran Görüntüleri - 1

Başına Buyruk

son sene sendromu ve biraz daha fazlası...

Ömrün her kısmında yer alan bir tutkunun insanın kaderini çizebileceğini gösteren güç, aynı zamanda bana bu yazıyı yazdıran güç. Bilen bilir lisenin son gününü. Sanki bir daha hiçbirini göremeyeceğimi düşünmüştüm 4 sene boyunca çok şey paylaştığım insanlar için. Ama ne oldu, bazılarını düzenli görme şansım oldu, bazılarını görmeyeli 4 sene oldu. İnsan çok uç noktadaki duygu birikimlerinde yürüdüğü zaman pek rasyonel davranışlar gösteremiyor olsa gerek.

Ters bir akışla yazdığımı da iki alt satıra geçmek için elimi tuşa uzatırken farkettim. "Ankara'yı özleyeceğim hiç aklıma gelmezdi" 'de arkadaş uzak diyarlar gitmiş, geri dönmüş ve içinde bulunduğu durumu anlatmıştı. Bu sefer biraz daha yakın bir zamana gidiyoruz. Hayat nane şekerleriyle* dolu gerçekten ben bunu bir kez daha anladım bu zaman git-gellerinde. Bir yolda giderken hedefinize yaklaşırsınız ama başlangıç noktasından da uzaklaşırsınız. Bir an düşünürsünüz; "bu başlangıç noktası olmasa ben asla yola çıkamazdım, geri mi dönsem acaba?" Bir seçim yaptırır insana. Hangisi daha kötü acaba diye.

Bölümümden dolayı şu birlik ve beraberliğe ihtiyaç duyduğumuz yaz aylarında staj görevimi yerine getirmekteyim. İçinde bulunduğumuz 2 ay boyunca Ankara'yı özleme belirtileri göstermem, önümüzdeki 3 yıl için kafamda soru işaretleri oluşturmakta. Ankara'nın ötesinde yine 4 yıl önceki gibi, gidince Ankara bir daha var olmayacakmış gibi bir endişe mevcut. Bir daha hiç göremeyecekmişim, yer yarılıp içine sokacakmışım gibi.

Tüm bunların üstüne bir de üniversitede son yıl psikolojisini de eklerseniz, müthiş bir kombinasyon elde edersiniz. Eğer lisedeki o sahneyi kaçıranlarınız, merak edenleriniz ve tekrarını isteyeniniz varsa yoğun istek üzerine kampüsümüzde tekrarlanacaktır...

...ben klavyenin tuşlarına düşen gözyaşlarına bakarken, winamp başarılı bir shuffle hamlesiyle Coldplay'den Cemetries of London'u patlatıverdi.



Nane şekeri hikayesi:

Recep rahatsızlığı sebebiyle doktora gitmiş ve sayılı gününün kaldığını öğrenmiştir. Bunun üzerine tee Yemen ellerine uzanan "müsrüflüğün lüzumu yok" iktisadi girişimini bir kenara bırakma kararı alır. Bu kararın ardından ev arkadaşlarına rastlar ve iki lafın belini kırma ihtiyacı hissderek onlara doğru seyirtir. Hal ve gidişat bildirimi sırasında "paradoks" kelimesi geçer. Recep sorar ne anlama geliyor diye. Ayten atlar; "hiç, nane şekeri". Sonra onlara başına gelenleri ve yeni iktisadi teşebbüsünü anlatır, akşam vereceği yemeği müjdeler. Kıllanan Ayten; nasıl olduğunu anlamaz ve sorar. Malum arkadaş cimrinin tekidir. Ama cevap gayet cömertçedir. "Eee, Ayten Bacu hayat nane şekerleri ile dolu".